"Acceptance"

Dear Reader,

Sometimes people can be awful, can't they? And they don't even realize they're doing it sometimes. Or maybe they think they're being polite, but underlying messages and even the obvious intention of a statement can be painful. If you ever need someone to rant to, I know all about stupid and mean people. Text me, let's be friends.

Anyway, today I am going to share an idea of true acceptance.
My family does not fit in with our neighborhood. We are not perfect, and although we are members of the dominant faith, we don't see eye to eye about the stereotypical way everyone around us carries it out. I have not consistently gone to youth meetings since 8th grade. There are really only two people in our entire neighborhood that make me want to go at all. They are very sweet people who you can tell genuinely care about everyone around them.
If only everyone else were more like those two.

The youngest of my little brothers has ADHD, Dyslexia, and we suspect that he may be high functioning Asperger's Syndrome. He has a lot to overcome mentally, and at 11 years old, gets along better with kids a few years younger.
I love this kid with all my heart, and some families in the neighborhood that are fairly new, at least a few years newer than we are, have kids that are his age. My little brother thought these kids were awesome, these are his friends. But these kids it turns out, don't actually like him all that much. They like playing with him sometimes, but they will (and do) always pick others before him. Their parents? Tolerate him. I know these families very well, and have worked with them in school and other settings before. I know they get along pretty well with me, but it has become almost a trade off. Often times, I feel like I am tolerating them because of how differently they treat me than they do my brother.
I am a snarky, sarcastic person with an impulsive need to fight everything and everyone. This is a habit I am working to control, but sometimes, I find it useful. Especially when it comes to defending my family.
My family is dysfunctional. Every one of us has at least one mental disorder, though when I think about it I'm pretty sure we all have at least 2. We don't enjoy going to church because we struggle to feel spiritually connected to what we believe to be true when we always feel we are being judged. Judgement is one thing our religion is specifically against. Our religious leaders teach of being accepting of all, of showing unconditional love to those around us.
They do not teach of silent judgments, passive aggressive remarks, and arrogant tolerance of those who are different.
So why is it happening? I wish I had an answer, but feeling like an outcast who is only communicated with as an assignment, so people can feel they are accepting, is bull. It is absolute bull and I would use a swear word if I were not a woman of higher vocabulary.
I understand people have flaws. I like to think I am 100% accepting of those flaws (see "Being You"). And I usually am. But if those flaws are aggressive, and those "flaws" are hurting my family, then enough is enough. I will fight back and you will not like it.

However this is not just a story of my families frustrations, and how we've become to afraid to reach out to neighbors because of their (quite frankly, a little wealthy) egotistical, attitudes that constantly send us the message that they think they're better.

This is about what we can do, to never make anyone feel this from ourselves.

Acceptance is more than tolerance. Tolerance is acknowledging that flaws are there and continuing on despite them. Acceptance is acknowledging that flaws are there, and continuing on with them, because of them. Tolerance is "I know you have these bad habits, but I'm willing to be your friend anyway." This often leads to one side only giving half effort and creating a toxic environment within that relationship for both parties. Acceptance is "I know you have bad habits and other things to overcome. So do I. All the more reason to work together."

A few more examples:
Tolerance: Putting up with bad habits.
Acceptance: "Hey, this is a habit that kind of bothers/hurts me sometimes. Can we talk about how to make each other feel comfortable and work through some of this stuff together?"

Tolerance: "I know you can't change this so I'm going to hang out with other people until you can get it under control."
Acceptance: "Hey, I know you can't change this. Maybe we can use some space for both of our mental health, but let's talk and see how we can get through this. We'll definitely let each other know if we really need something. Space is not an infinite solution."

They seem really similar, in fact it's super hard to know if you are tolerating habits or accepting a person for who they are, especially in the moment. Once again referencing my previous article, "Being You," flaws are a part of the human condition. I used a metaphor saying that we are like broken glass. Some edges are smooth, some are sharp. We cannot always change our shape or what parts of us affect other people. But if someone gets hurt on a sharp end, what is important to a true meaningful friendship, romantic relationship, anything at all, is being able to notice it, back up, come at it from a different angle where you won't get poked by the sharp end, and then smooth out the glass together. Sometimes, you may still bump into that habit, but it hurts less after being smoothed down. Progress is being made. You will get there eventually, together. With enough resilience and patience.

Tolerance: Look, I think we both need to figure some things out. I think we need to be done (for a while).
Acceptance: Let's make sure we are doing what we need for ourselves, even if that requires space and time for a little bit, but let's work this out together. 

My favorite quote I have ever read regarding any relationship, is:
"Remember, it is never you vs. them. It is both of you against the problem." If we visualize how we treat others this way, we can find the good parts of them, and hold on through the dark moments. Everyone has them. It is so important that we continue to be there for those around us even when it's hard. Think of the people in your life who have done the same for you.

My family and I, are not always accepted by our neighbors. In fact, we seldom are. To avoid making enemies, we kept to ourselves. But we have each other. My family, extends far beyond my immediate family by blood. My friends are my family. My coworkers are my family. My school is my family.
Text me, let's be friends. Because at the end of the day, I like helping people. I want people to feel unconditionally accepted and loved. I will do everything I can to be accepting of those around me, I extend this same challenge to you. And when you are a part of my family?
I like to hope that you'll never be lonely again.

Be kind. Be loving. Be accepting.
Do no harm but take no crap.

Ever Sincerely,
Emily Kate

The "Ever Sincerely" Project

Dear Readers (however few of you there are),

I've decided to give this little habit of mine a name. When I have deep thoughts or learn a lesson I really want to share, I'll post it on here. Maybe someone will stumble across this one day and read something they really needed to hear that day.  Maybe the only people who will see this, are the friends and/or family I share this with. But either way, it's a good way to get a message across without overloading a group chat. These are my real thoughts, the small ideas that float through my mind and help define me as one of the most strange, roundabout human beings you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. These are the constructs of words that I live for, that I strive for and work for. Emotions stitched into letters and paragraphs, you know? Anyway, I hope that someday, somehow, somewhere, someone finds something on here special.
Speaking of being a strange and roundabout human being, I'm going to go watch a thoughtless tv show now that I'm done being thought provocative and deep.

Ever Sincerely,
Emily Kate

"Being You"

Dear whoever finds themselves reading this:

Wow, I forgot I had this again. What a fun little blog for a 6 year old to have set up, huh?

Anyway, I have another rant/essay with some thoughts on the human condition. If I haven't already bored you somehow, I congratulate you. Text me, let's be friends.
I had this thought earlier, I was thinking in a meme format almost, comparing myself and how I act in certain situations.
I had: "Me trying to be cute" vs. "Me being myself."
And I looked at the pictures I would have associated with those two things and for a second, I almost liked the ones where I was "trying" more. I almost felt really bad about myself. Who was I if I liked myself more when I was "trying?"
That's when it hit me.
I was still being me. Being myself isn't one hundred percent made up of big awkward smiles and eyes that squint a little when I laugh. It isn't just what you get when you add up my desire to wear bright colors, crazy hair habits and love of animals.
From the perspective of a writer, reading about a character who is perfect, is boring. Very boring. I noticed how some characters I read about are eccentric of "excessively unique" but that's their only real defining feature.
Perfect characters are made realistic and relatable by having flaws.

Being unique is not a flaw.
Being different is not a flaw.
Not fitting the mold is not a flaw.
In fact, characters who are like this but don't have any real character issues to overcome, are almost their own "Stereotype of perfection."

Forgive me, I use quotation marks a lot in this rant/essay.

Here is where this all ties together:
When looking at my pictures, my "being cute" with small smiles and wide eyes, was still just as me as wearing devil horns and unicorn socks. Not everybody defines "cute," "attractive," or "beautiful" in the same way. I was only doing what I thought made me look, at first glance, "cuter."
Those kinds of pictures are not the ones I share with others, which is why I didn't post them with this whole theory. But I realized, when I was trying to seem one way, I would first thing cover up my flaws. When I was trying to hard, I would overcompensate for them. As though being myself meant getting rid of those traits that forged me into the very thing that I was trying so hard to be.

The same way a good character in a story needs flaws and challenges to overcome, so do we.
Sometimes, who I am is obnoxious. Who I am is loud at the wrong moments. Who I am doesn't know what to say, as much as I'd like the opposite to be true. Sometimes who I am is being really unsure if I have felt any romantic inclinations in the last three years, or if I was making them up because I wanted to feel what I saw my friends feeling. Sometimes who I am is being tired, and having a panic attack when the procrastinating thanks to ADHD, and lack of motivation that comes with depression, spirals into a hyperventilating fit when my anxiety/panic disorder suddenly has to deal with it. I am afraid of the dark. I don't wake up on time because of how often I wake up at 2 AM from a completely empty sleep, just to go into a nightmare my brain is making up in real time.
I am witty and snarky and sometimes enough that I can accidentally really offend my friends, or they feel like I don't like them or are attacking them verbally. It is not something I mean to do, but it is something I have to learn not to do.
These are problems.
These are things about me that other people may find hard to deal with.
These are things I wish people knew and I wish I could talk about, but I don't at all the right times and sometimes I bring it up at the wrong times, when it's the last thing people want to hear is how I'm often underestimated and overlooked because people think that just because I show some mildly more intense symptoms of anxiety, I can't control or handle it.
These are things I have to overcome.
It is going to take LOTS of time to overcome them.

And they are every bit as much a part of who I am, as my car alarm laugh, the fact that I wear devil horns as a "screw you" to the rest of the world, as the fact that I love Build-A-Bear, underrated movies with strange plots, and books by Marissa Meyer.

This is me. And I am never going to be easy to deal with. But the most important people in your life, aren't always going to be easy for you to handle either. It's finding the ones who are willing to stick it out for you, and you are willing to stick it our for them in return, that is the most important.
It's finding the ones whose broken pieces fit with yours, like an obscure puzzle, that sometimes cuts and scratches people. Nobody is in the wrong, you just need to come at it from an angle that isn't so sharp, and you can smooth out the edges together.

This is me. This is us. Embrace yourself, knowing that who you are is enough and knowing where you need to work on your habits is the first step to improving, to becoming not just yourself,
but the best version of you you can be.

This has been advice from a teenager who is not a therapist, but who feels like sometimes it needs to be said.

Ever sincerely,

Emily Kate

The Virtual Classroom, vs. the Physical Classroom

Wow so I forgot I had this. Woot. This is for you Bekah.

As someone who started dual enrollment in 8th grade, with the plan to test for my GED and take the ACT before applying to a college I hadn't yet chosen, I am well aware of both the benefits and dangers that come with all forms of dual enrollment. My situation is unique however, my plan was thrown off the rails when I began enjoying the mainstream high school classes enough, that I decided I wanted to graduate and walk with my friends. I am now making up the credits that I technically don't have because of my home school route. This is where East Shore Online comes in. If you've ever been thinking about this path of education, here are some things to consider:
     1. Motivation. The biggest thing to consider is whether or not you have the self motivation and focus to spend the time working through online courses, packets, or textbooks at home. I was falling behind in my math classes for a while because I lacked the motivation to do... basically anything involving numbers. Now, I'm working double time to make up for it. It isn't impossible, but it's frankly easier and more pleasant to simply avoid falling behind in the first place.
     However, the motivation street can go two ways. I am incredibly self motivated with English, to the extent that I finished a whole year's worth of English in under two months. There are also ways to boost motivation, and focus on these alternative courses. At my high school, there is a "Red Room" in which the teachers' jobs are to help the students in there makeup/earn credits through the packet courses, and assist them in completing them. At home, I struggled with the math and geography packets, however once second semester started and I joined the Red Room period, I began to catch up. I now had a way to learn at my own pace, in an environment that I had already associated with learning and focus.
     2. Time. Some of these courses are very time consuming. That's another benefit of Study Hall and Red Room like classes, where there's allotted time during the school day itself to work on these things. If you're like me, and you enjoy extra-curricular activities, and being busy, then I recommend trying to fit one of these classes into your schedule. The online packet classes have greatly benefited my education, it just took me a while to figure out what the best way of accessing them or me was.
     3. Pacing. The pacing of the packets is one of the biggest advantages they have. You have access to the course 24/7, there's limited "homework," since you're learning throughout the whole day, and the teachers have a grading schedule. You know when you're work will be seen and graded, so you can get your questions answered, and mistakes fixed, fast. Since a lot of automatic grading is done by the computer, the teachers (who are actual people making lesson videos and assignments) have more time to converse with students via email and help them through issues they run into. This point takes us to our next item on the list.
     4. Student-teacher interaction. The teachers at East Shore are great to work with, patient, and have the time and ability to work directly with individual students and answer their questions.Through my online math courses, I have emailed the teacher often, and gotten replies fast. I've never been left confused after discussing my questions and/or concerns with the teacher, and it allowed me to not only move through the courses faster, but earn higher grades than I would have in a traditional classroom.
     5. An inability to fail. This point applies only to East Shore Online, to the extent of my knowledge anyway. My experience has been with home school and the online packets through East Shore. On East Shore, you cannot take the final test without earning at least a 70% on every assignment. Because of this, you have the chance to make sure you are understanding the material well enough to earn the passing grade, before taking the final exam of the unit, which weighs much more heavily on your final grade than the assignments. While this may seem limiting, it is actually just why the communication with the teachers is so important. I have never felt limited because the preparation for the final test has always been a huge deciding factor in my final grade. It also isn't hard to earn the passing grade, because the lessons are tailored to be applicable to all the problems in the assignment. If the goal was to make difficult material easy to understand, it was well accomplished.
     Not everyone fits in the traditional classroom, and not everyone fits in an alternate one. While I do recommend the online schooling, if it doesn't work for you, then it doesn't work. However, I do believe these packets are well created to work for everyone, for whatever reason they find themselves taking them. If you've never heard of East Shore, ask your school counselor about it. It may pull you out of an educational crisis you didn't even know you were in.

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