"Second Place"

Dear Reader,

I've gotten into a habit of posting on Sundays, but I'm breaking that habit. This is a lesson I am still learning, the hard way. And it is a sucky lesson. Nevertheless, we are all going to learn it at some point. This is a power monologue, or a slam poem more than it is a nice, uplifting blog post. JUst warning you right now.

     There's a quote that has stuck with me since I heard it in a cartoon. The line was meant to be a joke, but it somehow the dart hit the bullseye and it has never left me. The line was, "Second place is first place for losers."
Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate to lose. I can handle being on a winning team, I can handle not always having the obvious "victory." But I cannot STAND to lose. So much so that when I had a wall sit contest with some of my coworkers, I ended up going for an extra minute just to be in second place because it caused me so much stress and anxiety to be last. Because of this, I work extremely hard to be noticed, to improve, to become known for my skills in certain areas. I am also known for how competitive I am. I hate to lose. But when it's out of your control who wins and who loses, you realize something.
     For some people out there, you could be the very best they've ever seen at something. You could work your rear end off day and night, you could deserve what you are working for more than anyone ever has before.
     But for some people, that won't be good enough. Life sucks. Life doesn't play fair. You could win a battle, but ultimately lose the war. For some people, no matter what you do, you aren't good enough. For some people, you are always the extra, the nobody. You are half noticed, or half seen, or not noticed at all. Some people will always be biased, they will always pick favorites, and you will always be second place. If that.
     "Second place is first place for losers."
     For me, there are these same someones who all the time, always pick the exact same people, for the exact same things. I am second best, I am not seen or heard half of the time, or even most of the time. But because my habit is to bite my tongue, and put on a brave face, they don't care. I cannot tell you how many times adults have come up to me and made the most ignorant, rude comments because they simply aren't paying attention. How many times people are surprised by my talents taht I practice daily, they just don't care enough to see. It enrages me, it infuriates me, every time I think about it. i have been angry for months, no joke. Angry, furious, frustrated, sick and tense. Because all I wanted was a chance, and those chances were always given to the exact same people.

     Sometimes that's how life is. And it SUCKS, and you want to THROW THINGS, and you want to stand on your roof and CURSE until your throat and reputation are broken beyond repair.
     Because the people with power or authority are always the ones who can't look past their own noses and see that people exist. Real people with real feelings.
     These people? They're taking you for granted. You want to know what to do?
     Get out.
     Leave and never return. Run until the wind can't find you. If your absence doesn't affect their life, than your presence meant nothing to it. So run. Scream into the air and fight with that fire, that boiling rage that comes from being second place. What is the best part of a movie? When the underdog wins. The audeince cheers and cries and finds hope and energy when the underdog wins, because we've all been there. We've all been the underdog. We've all been in second place.
     Heck, some idiot called Einstein stupid as a child. Spite is one heck of a motivator.

     So go, win. Because you will one day. And those people who always put you in second place will be embarrassed, they will feel stupid and they will be sorry. Don't let them keep you down. If you don't, then they can't. Don't let circumstances change your dreams.

     Second place is NOT first place for winners. Second place is for winners in training.
     This is not nearly as uplifting as a post as my other ones. This is not to inspire hope and patience. This is to inspire confidence and motivation. This is to get you to fight for what you deserve, for what you want. This is to get people to stand up for themselves, to realize that when picking teams, when picking people for a play, when picking which friends to invite on an exclusive trip, it will not be fair. It will never be completely, totally, one hundred percent fair. Never. This is a wake-up call. You are confident, strong, and you can beat this.

Go get them second place.
Ever Sincerely,
Emily Kate